long time

i've been gone for a minute...and i'm slowly trying to make my way back to this thing. you see, a part of me wants to let you in on my life but there's also so much that i'd like to keep to myself. that's why i could never be a celebrity. of course we all want to live in the million dollar mansions and live life to the fullest, but how can you truly know who's around you for the right reasons? when you're broke, those people who hang out with you just like you for being you. that's why i can appreciate living this life. i love myself, love my wife, love my friends and family and i the blessings somehow keep pouring down on me. my best friend is about to be released from the pen and i believe i'm more excited than he is...11 days man...11 days.

it's funny how one mistake can take away everything that you've worked so hard for. and we're all just one mistake away from fucking up everything. ONE MISTAKE...wow. that's some real shit. anyway, i'm thinking some random thoughts right now, so i'll try to put them into a poem so kinda way...remember this is off the top of the dome and raw, so...

we are new to this
and even though
we've made it happen
and been exonerated
from captivity
we are still
behind bars

no good jobs
being thrown this way
no good schools
for miles
and the buses
said my black ass
gotta walk to school
cause gas prices
"ain't no joke"

*chuckles*
i know right...
that's what i said too
cause when it all
falls down
it really does fall
and it seems like
the falling
becomes fucked
and folks freely say
that this is our fault

nah
i don't get down like that
and i can't take the blame
for everything around me
and they still
don't understand the
priviledges that
are being thrown their way
and they still
don't understand the
adversity
i have to overcome
or maybe they
don't
want to
under...stand

maybe they
don't want
to
under
stand

maybe they do
because they stand
for what they believe in
and some kind of way
it always
puts me under

this world
oh god
this world ain't what
i once thought it was
and even though i pray
and still find tears
flowing down
my face from
time to time
and even though i cry
i still find some
good moments
that will put a smile
on my face
and even though i laugh
i still have bills
that have to be paid
and even though my
lights got cut off
i still find
that the sun will
help me prevail
and even though
the sun is hot as hell
its something god created

and the bible
spoke some slang
to me
when it was talking
about the sun because
it said
that
it was all good

gkg

untitled...just me

still on this poetry thing...just won't die out. and i'm happy because i've been trying to get some words down on paper for a while. guess it's starting to come back to me. wrote this poem on december 4th when i was going through a lot of stuff with my brother and some kids in school...trying to save some young souls. it's untitled...so if you have a suggestion shoot me a holla.

rev. look like a pimp
and the pimp looks like the reverend
telling me to pray at night
so i can go to heaven
feeling like i've played out
all of my lucky seven
and i think life loves me
but she's throwing me to the bears when
my brother's trying to leave school
and leave all of those necessities
living in the streets will
only exhaust all possibilities
that shit will only let me down
and i thought he was a friend to me
trying to be something else
case of mistaken identity

not respecting mom
sending her through tribulations and trials
making her sick
blood pressure been up there for a while
this child

who has the same blood's
making life so hard
got me praying overtime
screaming "lord oh lord"
will you please forgive me
and these other men of our sins
knowing deep down that
we'll probably do it again

and my soul
wants to be exonerated of all charges
i know i learn the most
when obstacles become the hardest
and the clouds are coming over
blocking the sun it's becoming the darkest
time of my life
and this car- i wanna park it.

everybody wants to jump in
and get a ride to the right road
putting my needs on the back burner
trying to help their souls
young black men who are
unfamiliar with the struggle life holds
don't want them to learn the hard way
but truth be told...

i care about their lives
more than they care about themselves
and their memoirs are overdue
i'm about to put them back on the shelves
they constantly complain
that their lives are living hells
and i'm wondering how giving up
will ever help them prevail.

taking on so much and i don't
know what to do
because these kids are in need of my services
but i need me too
am i being selfish or keeping myself
from turning black and blue?
wondering how a man as young as me
can continue to walk in these shoes

turned to the church
and found myself prejudging the pastor
messing with little kids
instead of fixing this disaster
wonder where God wants me to turn
because the problems continue to fester
turned away from the church
that was filled with hypocrits and molesters
tears rolling down my face
wondering will this last forever
tears rolling down my face
wondering will this last forever...

cause the rev. look like a pimp
and the pimp looks like a reverend
and i keep wondering...
will i ever make it to heaven?

my bourgeois friend

we grew up together
played in the sandbox
and i can remember
pushing the
merry-go-round
while she sat in
the middle
smiling and laughing

but then we grew up-
together
but we separated
when i went off
to my HBCU
and she rode the
white horse
to harvard

i returned home
with knowledge
able to share
with my friends and family
what college life
was really like
and everybody was
so EXCITED

and she came home
in her mercedes benz
never stepping too far
from the door
because she didn't
"want them damn
project boys to
get a hold of it."

and oh my how
proper she talked
and oh my how
nicely pressed
her blazer
and skirt were
and oh my how
lovely was her
permed hair
which she had
dyed blonde...

black as she was-
it looked kind of
weird to me.
but she called me
a "hater"
and cut our conversation
short when
MR BOSS called her
blackberry phone

and she laughed
her fake laugh
and smiled
her fake smile
and talked
her fake talk
because it was
what pleased
MR BOSS

but i knew the
REAL her-
and i bet MR BOSS
would have a fit
if he knew
under that make up
and dyed blonde hair-
what she really loved
was eating
chitterlings and rice
with BULL hot sauce
and
corn bread and collard greens
with her damn fingers.

heavy rain

on some new shit- reading this nikki giovanni book got me feeling inspired and i'm finding a my way back on to the writing scene. a wise friend once told me that i needed to try to write...even through the times when i thought the poems weren't that good...so that's what i've decided to do. and even though this damn keyboard on this laptop i got from school is jacked up, it's all good. and i've decided not to even go back and fix the double spaces because that's how life is...sometimes things are screwed up...so you should understand the spacebar on this machine...but anyway- the poem

heavy rain

the pages
of my book
of life
weren't turning
too smoothly
because the storm
came
and stopped
and hovered
over our house
for a while

and the bills
were due
and the job
became
overwhelming
and the friends
started complaining
and the family
was falling
apart
and the car
stopped working
and gas went up
by twenty cents
and daddy
wouldn't answer
my damn phone calls
and the students
weren't doing
their homework
and the wedding
was fastly approaching
and the money
wouldn't come
for another
two weeks
and a ticket
was issued
and bill money
was spent
and the cable
was turned off
and the gas
was turned off
and the electricity
was about t o
be turned off
but then

the storm passed

where you been?

millions of seconds, hundreds of minutes, numerous days, months, and weeks have passed since i last thought about the webpage that i once cared so much about. this blog used to be my life, and i would chronicle events here that meant so much to me. i wanted to give others access to the events that plagued my college life, but somehow i've moved away from that. i wonder why that is so? writing is still my passion, and reading continues to help me achieve some type of self improvement. time has been winning the war the two of us have been fighting. there's only one me- what's a guy to do?

there are so many events in this life i could do without. for the most part, i can't complain about my current situation, but so many of my friends are going through some difficult tests. my creator's working overtime to teach some people so many life lessons. hopefully, i'll be able to learn through their situations and vice versa. everythings so much better when we can help one another reach our goals. at least that's what i've been told over and over for numerous years.

this is difficult for me. adjectives are incapable of describing how i feel right now, and some type of spiritual being has been possessing my soul. don't worry though. it's one of those positive spirits that makes you value every moment and all of that type of stuff. for some reason, i've been on the brink of tears at times in the middle of the day. i've found myself singing more gospel songs and trying to read a couple of scriptures from the bible from day to day. it could be that i'm getting older and realizing that there are so many trivial things in life, or it could be that i'm finally accepting god for myself, not because someone else told me to do it. that's a disturbing thought because i've always considered myself very spiritual, so i'll say that i'm taking it to the next level now.

sometimes when i'm alone i sit and think about all the things i've done and what i would like to do. it's during this time that i pray to god, envision how my life will be next year this time, and really make plans to do whatever the hell i've been put here to do. i'm still figuring it out. there's always something to figure out. and i'm listening to erykah badu sing about her green eyes. good music. the good life is what i'm after. kanye isn't the only one that deserves it. hell you say.

love.
gkg

can't let go

i'm loving my life, and even though it seems like i never have a chance to stop and enjoy the air that i breathe, i honestly have to thank god for all that he's given me thus far. professionally, i'm on top of all the barriers that were put in front of me, looking down on all the obstacles that i once faced and thinking, "how the hell did i ever get here?" but the battle never ends. my sword is starting to get dull and sharpening it is never an easy task. that's where my friends come in. i want to take out time to apologize to everyone that's ever had my back. i know it seems like i've fell off the face of the earth, but in reality i'm fighting with it. my schedule is undescribeable...i won't even attempt to tell you everything, but i can't give anything up because i want it all.

everybody is depending on me to do all the things that i said i would. there's so much support behind me that i can't help but to give it all that i've got. i'm loving life...i really am. and although i know things won't always be this way, i do appreciate the moment and everything that is around me. i can't let go...and the love that continues to run through my veins rubs off on everyone around me. god has put me in such a good situation. i thank him. so much love. so much love.
peace and blessings,
gkg

big things poppin'...

...and little things stoppin' because i'm looking to defeat so many challenges that are set up for me. i decided to post back on Diary because it's been a while since my bus stopped here. i actually have another location that i've been releasing my thoughts, but i won't plug it here because it wasn't created to be something that was widespread.

pieces of my life's journey have been unraveled since the last time i posted here. there is the new teaching job that has brought about a combination of emotions that i had no idea existed. right now i'm anxious, nervous, excited, sentimental, creative, and a combination of other emotions that i can't think of at the current time. teaching was one of my dreams the could've possibly been deferred but somehow it re-appeared and came to the forefront. i have a lot on my plate and there's so much responsibility that i'm taking on. i won't give up though and i'll make sure to achieve all possible goals.

i haven't talked to many of my friends lately because of the hectic schedule and that doesn't make me happy at all. my friends keep me grounded and let me know when my head is getting too big, and lord knows i don't need this thing to grow anymore.

being that i've changed jobs, there's a possibility that there could be some monetary problems in the making but i'm dealing with those problems as they come along and trying to take care of the situation before it gets out of hand. along with the new job came a new car and a new car note and a new grad school and new grad school tuition and certification classes and certification class tuition...you get my drift? but god has really been good to me and he's making sure that all of my dreams are being brought to reality. i'm just praying that i can live up to the standard that have been set for me.

my wedding was moved back a couple of weeks so that i can get situated, get out of school, enjoy this very expensive wedding with the large wedding party, and most of all max and relax over in the virgin islands. i'm excited and so is my family. there are so many people who will be living out their dreams through this wedding and i'm almost 100% positive that they won't be disappointed. the only thing that will be left after that is the housing plans, and i think i'm looking to reside in this area. the a-town has treated me nicely and i can't turn my back on her now...

one.
gkg

look at what we did...

...we come a long way from dirty ghetto kids
and people saying- greg you arrogant snd shit
but i've been at the bottom
and i worked hard for this

people dont understand how everything was
but let me ask one question does
a person's ability to come up make them fake
or are those not supporting them just like to hate?

i believe it's the second one and my confidence
is often mistaken for arrogance
but i have good intentions to help you and me
and when they see my black skin,
they're like "who you be?"

but i'm reppin' for us, hell somebody's gotta make it
need some support from my peeps can't take it
from both ends
what happened to my friends?

some stuck around
but some came to an end.
the re-emergence of me should uplift you
mom's still in the hood-trying to change that too.

and i'm praying for the world to change
just like i did....
thanks lupe,
we came a long way from dirty ghetto kids

L.O.V.E

gkg